Here’s what’s coming up this weekend:
Cowboys and Aliens: Daniel Craig has rocket-hands and he has to team up with Harrison Ford to fight aliens who abducted Olivia Wilde so they could probe her or something (these aliens don’t seem too bad).
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 44%
Uninformed Commentary: I intended to see this and write a review, but couldn’t find a showtime that worked for me. So I’ll leave you with these two quotes:
[A] phenomenally successful two-man war against narrative clarity and continuity.
– Christopher Orr, The Atlantic
Nothing very exciting happens.
– Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News
Crazy, Stupid, Love: Julianne Moore leaves her husband, Steve Carrell, because he’s lame. So, he tries to get her back with help from Ryan Gosling
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 74%
Uninformed Commentary: Not really my cup of tea, but critics seem to think it’s good. At least Kate Hudson’s not in it.
Attack the Block: Super 8, except with British street hoods instead of annoying white kids. So basically Super 8 except it’s good.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 88%
Uninformed Commentary: This actually looks good. From the producers of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. I approve.
The Smurfs: The Smurfs do whatever the smurf it is they do.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 19%
Uninformed Commentary: This has a 72% audience rating, proving the fact that anyone who would shell out $12 to see a Smurfs movie is a moron. About the only appealing things in this movie are Katy Perry’s boobs, unfortunately for the producers, I can look at those for free on the internet and not have little blue creatures obstructing the view.
Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, Sunday 10PM ET): Last week’s episode: “Palestinian Chicken” was classic Curb. This weekend, Larry apparently learns a lesson in office politics. I’m setting the over/under for Suzy saying f*ck at 5.
Breaking Bad (AMC, Sunday 10 ET): This show is awesome. If you don’t watch it, start.
True Blood (HBO, Sunday 9 ET): No story, terrible acting, really only watchable for the gratuitous violence and sex. After the awesomeness that was Game of Thrones I just can’t watch Anna Paquin butcher a southern accent anymore.
Nothing appealing this weekend, unless you really like watching the Giants play the Reds.