Some Guy to Play Michael in “Paradise Lost”

Bradley Cooper and Benjamin Walker

Benjamin Walker is apparently an actor. Apparently, he also just finished shooting a film called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which is really a blog post in itself. In any case, Walker has been cast to play the archangel Michael in Alex Proyas’s (Knowing, I, Robot) action-film version of Paradise Lost. Yes, they’re making an action film version of Paradise Lost. Bradley Cooper is going to play Lucifer, which is actually pretty good casting. Take a second to read that all again and reflect on the state of humanity. Alright good? Take us home Deadline:

After being cast out of Heaven, Lucifer mounts an army that battles the forces of good, and the film will have cutting-edge visual effects that will make these battles resemble 300 meets Lord of the Rings — but with winged warriors.

So it’s going to be three hours long, with a bunch of naked dudes opening their mouths really wide to yell stuff? Have any of these people actually read Paradise Lost? Because if I remember right, there was a lot of boring, talky stuff which made me stop after 100 pages. I’m assuming they’re cutting out all the fall of man, which is actually the main point of the book? In any case, angels vs. demons movies invariably suck, so there’s no reason to think that this will be any better.

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Posted on August 4, 2011, in Crappy Movies. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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