NFL Picks: Week 1 Preview

I dare you to kiss me bro

Football is back! And I’m not talking about that college crap, I’m talking about real, NFL football! To think, it almost didn’t happen. In fact, if Jerry Richardson had his way, we’d all be stuck doing chores on Sunday, like mowing the lawn or spending time with other people in situations that don’t involve beer. The weakest among us might even be stuck going to farmer’s markets or church. I know, I know, it’s terrifying, but you don’t have to worry about having to do all that stuff on Sunday for another 16 weeks, because football is back!

It’s officially okay to be a slob again! Sunday brunch? Forget that, brunch is for pussies, the only thing you’re eating on Sunday from now on is nachos and pizza and buffalo wings until you explode. And you’re going to wash it all down with beer. Sweet, golden, delicious beer. So get ready to get off your fat ass and head over to your nearest sports bar to sit back down and watch football all day! Just do it safely.

This season, I have a special treat for you. I’m going to be doing my weekly picks jointly, with the very talented Mr. Ryan Glasspiegel (find his blog here). Ryan will be providing cogent, rational analysis while I will mostly make inappropriate jokes and call Jay Cutler names. Anyway, here are our picks for tonight’s game as a little teaser, the rest of the picks will be posted tomorrow around 1PM ET.

New Orleans @ Green Bay (-4)

Ryan: I really don’t have any bearing on the Saints. I think they could go anywhere from 6-10 to 12-4. They could miss the playoffs entirely or contend for the Super Bowl. Barring injuries to Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, or BJ Raji, the Packers are primed to make a run at repeating as Super Bowl champs.

This line seems a little bit too low but that might just be what Vegas WANTS us to think. The Packers are adding Jermichael Finley, who if healthy will be the best tight end in the universe this season, back to a team that won the Super Bowl. On top of having the potential to absolutely shred apart the NFL this season, Jermichael is the most attractive man I have EVER seen in person and it isn’t even remotely close. I say that with no remorse. He is gorgeous.

I feel like this year might be the reckoning for Sean Payton. He has been quite effective as head coach of the Saints so far but he doesn’t seem like he would be particularly enjoyable to play for. Also, for some reason this scandal, which I initially thought would be quite serious, just completely went away for some reason. From what I can tell, the investigation got curtailed because the “nothing to see here” defense was taken at its word. What goes around tends to come around though and I think this may be the year it all comes crashing down for Payton and the Saints. Packers cover.

Asif: I don’t see what makes New Orleans any better or worse than they were last year. They replaced a former Heisman winning scat back (Reggie Bush), with another former Heisman winner with speed concerns (Mark Ingram). Maybe I’m being crazy, but I have this nagging sense that Ingram may be the next Ron Dayne. A great college back whose lack of speed (and affinity for the buffet) impairs him at the next level. Jeremy Shockey took his tattoos, girly uncut hair and newfangled STDs to Jerry Richardson’s Carolina Panthers, but I don’t think he’ll be missed that much.

The Packers on the other hand, actually look improved to me, especially since Ryan Grant gives them a consistent running game. I think Jordy Nelson is going to take a big step forward this season as well. All of this means that Packers fans like Ryan will be more insufferable than ever, but hey at least they are not the Cowboys or Steelers. You have to be thankful for the little things. Green Bay by a touchdown.

Posted on September 8, 2011, in NFL and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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