Umm Yeah Lady, I’m Calling Child Services

Toddlers and Tiaras is, simply in concept, perhaps the greatest indictment of our culture as a whole, but in reality it’s so much worse. This time, some brand new parent of the year dressed her three-year old child in Julia Roberts’ hooker costume from Pretty Woman, and no I’m not posting a picture perverts. This in turn has stoked the fervor of professional buzzkill group PTC to declare a fatwa calling for the beheading of TLC executives, or something like that:

“We have a serious problem when The Learning Channel* features a toddler, who probably hasn’t even learned to read, dressed as a prostitute showing off her sexy strut,” says Melissa Henson, director of communications and public education for the PTC: “There’s no question, TV executives are complicit in robbing these small kids of their childhood. For years we’ve seen adult sexuality being inappropriately and aggressively foisted on innocent young children, but children today are being sexualized at younger and younger ages.”

I can’t believe I’m actually about to do this, *deep breath* they’re right. I’m right with her, except the adult sexuality part, I have a huge problem with a toddler in a prostitute costume and Toddlers and Tiaras absolutely sexualizes young children inappropriately. What say you terrible parent who made this happen:

“Well, at this pageant there was an option to do celebrity-wear,” Dickey says. “And we thought about what we could wear with her being a brunette and Julia Roberts is my favorite actress of all time. I thought it was real cute to do Julia. She’s 3, if she was 10 I never would have considered this. But as young as she is I thought it was very comical.”

Yes, making your baby look like a whore is hilarious. And I also bet it will totally be good for her self-esteem later in life. Julia Roberts has been around forever, she refuses to go away, you could have easily dressed your kid in any of a million costumes from roles she’s played, but you chose hooker. Coincidence? I say no.

Dickey adds that she made the skirt longer than Roberts’ outfit in the film and was stunned by the media’s response. She says that if people saw Paisley’s entire routine, which later has her daughter dressed as Roberts’ reformed character in a demure brown dress, they wouldn’t have quite the same outrage.

I think you’re missing the point lady.

“I’m amazed it’s caused this much of a frenzy,” Dickey says. “The judges loved it. Everybody except one particular mom went nuts over it. It was the cutest thing ever. It was very innocent. A lot probably would have been different if they aired the whole entire routine instead of just the hooker part.”

I don’t understand why everyone is so upset that I dressed my daughter as a hooker. All the creepy pedophile judges and terrible parents inside my echo chamber of tone-deafness loved it! Whatever, lady, I’m still calling child services.


Posted on September 8, 2011, in Crappy TV shows, Douchebags and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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