NFL Week 1 Results (Updated)

Don't worry fella, Steak n' Shake is still open until 2 for you to cry into your chili cheese fries

Welp, we’re through the day games so it’s time to recap. Updates coming for the Sunday and Monday night games. (Home teams in caps)

(Record before Sunday) 1-0

My Pick: Atlanta (-3) over CHICAGO Reality (Atlanta 12 – Chicago 30): Yeaaah about this pick… I really didn’t see this result coming. This result should cause people to overrate the Bears for at least another week before the Saints eviscerate them next Sunday. So enjoy that Chicago. Now return to your eating, drinking, and early onset heart disease.

My Pick: Cincinnati (+6.5) over CLEVELAND Reality (Cincy 27 – The Cleve 17): Hah, told ya! There’s a lesson to be learned here. No matter what the line is and no matter who the opponent is, when you’re predicting a game involving the Browns and Cleveland is favored, just take the points. Trust me, you’ll never be disappointed.

My Pick: KC (-5.5) over Buffalo Reality (Bills 41- Chiefs 7): I guess I underestimated the Bills? Or maybe overestimated the Chiefs. In any case, after this full on evisceration I’m doing a 180 on KC. Say what you want about me, but I’m quick on the uptake, sometimes.

My Pick: Philadelphia (-5) over ST. LOUIS Reality (Eagles 31 – Rams 13): This was the easiest pick all week. If you took the Rams you should probably seek help for your gambling addiction.  And no, this doesn’t make me like the Eagles any more.

My Pick: Detroit (+1.5) over TAMPA BAY Reality (Detroit 27 – Tampa 20) I thought going into this game that the Bucs were overrated. Josh Freeman is good, but they don’t have many other weapons on offense. The defense is solid, but unspectacular, with the pass rush being a glaring weakness. The Lions, on the other hand, I like a lot. They showed last year that they can hang with anyone, and a healthy Matt Stafford really opens up their offense. I could see them stealing a wild card spot. (side note: I won $10 on a friendly wager with Ryan on this game. Put that in your pipe and smoke it).

My Pick: Tennessee (+3) over JACKSONVILLE Reality (Tennessee 14 – Jacksonville 16): Gotta love the spread. I’m sure that this game was exhilarating for all four people who watched it.

My Pick: BATLIMORE (-2.5) over Pittsburgh Reality (Pitt 7 – Bawlmer 35): BWhahahahaha. I loved all the hand-wringing coming into this week about how the Ravens couldn’t beat the Steelers. So much for that. Time to come up with a new theory Easterbrook.

My Pick: HOUSTON (-8.5) over Indianappolis Reality (Colts 7 – Texans 35, fat people in Indy crying into their third order of chili fries 5000): Let’s see, Arian foster didn’t play, Matt Schaub threw 2 picks and the Texans still won by 4 TDs. Houston will likely win the AFC South by default at this point, why even bother playing the games. Enjoy missing the playoffs Colts fans, at least this will give you some time to reevaluate your life choices, maybe join a gym, go on the south beach diet. And no, none of us feel any sympathy for you.

My pick: Arizona (-7) over CAROLINA Reality (Panthers 21 – Cards 28): Right at the spread, no action. Cam Newton actually looked really good, which caught me a bit off guard. Patrick Peterson looks like a stud. Arizona is still the second most embarrassing state in the union (sorry Florida you’re still 1st).

My Pick: Giants (-3) over WASHINGTON Reality (G-men 14 – Skins 28): Can we just move on? *throws TV remote across room, hangs head in disgust*

My Pick: SAN DIEGO (-8.5) over Minnesota Reality (Vikings 17 – Chargers 24): Gah! I hate you Norv! For a while, this was looking like a Turner special where the Vikings would pull out an improbable win. The Chargers pulled it out, but not by enough to cover the spread.

My Pick: Seattle (+5) over SAN FRANSISCO: Reality (Seahawks 17 – 49’ers 33): Tavaris Jackson’ed, aww fishsticks! This win officially puts the Niners out of the Andrew Luck running, enjoy Alex Smith for another eight years losers!

Record (so far): 7-5-1


My Pick: JETS (-4.5) over Dallas Reality (Jets 27 – Cowboys 24): I should have seen this coming. Expecting the Jets to beat a good tea by more than a field goal was foolish on my part. The two teams combined for barely over 100 yards rushing and the longest running play was 8 yards. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign for their defenses or an indictment of their backs. Probably a little bit of both.

Record 7-6-1

Update numero dos: 

My Pick: New England (-7) over MIAMI Reality (Patriots 38 – Miami 24) That seems about right, still if I were a Pats fans I’d be a bit concerned about their ability to defend the pass, Chad Henne (Chad Henne!) passed for 416 yards and it’s not as if the Dolphins were buried early on. The Pats pass rush looks improved, totaling four sacks and 10 QB hits. Even though it was against the Dolphins, it was a pretty impressive win for NE and I think that they’re the Super Bowl favorites this year. Excuse me while I go punch myself in the nuts repeatedly.

My Pick: DENVER (-3) over Oakland Reality (Oakland 23 – Denver 20) I have a confession to make. I didn’t watch this game. I know it’s terrible, but in my defense, I had better things to do. I’m not going to tell you what, but digging a hole would be a more worthwhile use of time than watching Denver and Oakland play football. Denver is going to have to ratchet up the suck in order to beat out Indianapolis for Andrew Luck. I suggest starting Brady Quinn or Time Tebow at QB, that’s a surefire way to lose games.

Week 1 Record: 8-7-1


Posted on September 12, 2011, in NFL and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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