New ‘Twilight’ Trailer, Just Cause

Kissing totally gives me heartburn too

Twilight is honestly one of the most fascinating and frustrating phenomenons in our culture. It’s a poorly written abstinence parable about vampires and the temptation of dirty ethnic werewolves. It’s also about the least female empowering series ever written (why go to college when you could marry this attractive and totally not gay vampire?). Yet for some reason it’s like crack to women between the ages of 20 and 45. The movies are terrible, with Mopey McHeartburnface (AKA Kristen Stewart) bumming her way through every scene looking like a wet raccoon, yet they almost single-handedly keep Summit Entertainment alive. So, if you have any taste then you will probably not enjoy the trailer for Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (Breaking Yawn: Fart 1?) posted below. Why am I posting it? Because I like getting search engine hits. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Anywho…

My favorite part? “The fetus is too strong!” But really, this looks awesome *dismissive wanking motion* Also, abstinence totally pays off.

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Posted on September 14, 2011, in Crappy Movies, Douchebags and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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