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Ladies and Gentlemen, We’ve Found the Singularity

I like to work out, you know, for the ladies. Unfortunately, I live in the deepest recesses of suburbia, so my gym has TVs in the weight room. Even more unfortunately, due to the hour at which I choose to work out, some of those TVs are often showing ESPN’s First Take, a show which I can only assume is produced for the sole purpose of appealing to whatever it is meth addicted toddlers grow up to become. Anyways, today on First Take, professional yellers Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith were discussing Terrell Owens’ recent appearance on Dr. Phil,  and how it will affect his Hall of Fame chances. As far as I can tell, that conversation is the perfect storm of stupid. Let’s break it down: Bayless and Smith, two of the five WORST sports personalities in the history of sports going all the way back to the first time a caveman threw a rock; Dr. Phil, the Milwaukee’s Best of therapists; Terrell Owens, whose name I thought I would never have to see or hear again; and the NFL Hall of Fame, a place so stupid that it won’t let Cris Carter in already. Ladies and Gentlemen, we can stop looking, we’ve found the singularity. Luckily, the TV was muted and I had my iPod in for good measure so I didn’t have to hear any of the actual conversation, but I feel like my gym should be refunding part of my dues just for subjecting me to seeing it on the screen.