Hey, there movie fan who grew up in the 90s, want to see something that will make you really mad? Turns out Michael Bay is making a Ninja Turtles movie and well, I’ll let him explain:
“When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely lovable.”
GUH. Michael Bay is the worst. I generally don’t wish bodily harm on people, but I hope Michael Bay gets hit by a truck, preferably one painted with flames. Lord knows he’d deserve it for the way he’s planning to rape my childhood. All I know is that when, 2 years from now, my 7-year old nephew tries to explain the origins of the Ninja Turtles to me, a little part of my soul will die.
Dear assembled film producers somewhere in the greater Los Angeles area,
Look up from the gigantic pile of coke on your desk, take your hand off that strippers ass, and pay attention for a second d-bag. All of us, collectively, are tired of you raping our childhoods by rebooting and re-tooling movies that we loved growing up. First, you had to go and ruin Indiana Jones by adding Shia LaBouef and making up a story about aliens, but we shrugged it off. After all, we told ourselves, it wouldn’t happen again. But then, you let Will Smith and his wiener kid ruin The Karate Kid and a little piece of all of us died inside. Then, you added random, idiotic scenes into the original Star Wars trilogy and we we got angrietr, but we had learned to accept it from Lucas. When you decided to reboot Total Recall the rage started to boil over. But, this, this is the final straw jerkoffs.
Financing and production company Alcon Entertainment is set to remake the 1991 action-thriller POINT BREAK as a feature film for release by Warner Bros, its home studio, it was announced by Alcon co-founders and co-CEO’s Broderick Johnsonand Andrew Kosove. The Alcon principals secured rights to the project the week of the original film’s 20th anniversary from RGM Media, John McMurrick and Chris Taylor. Kosove and Johnson will produce along with Michael DeLuca, John Baldecchi, Chris Taylor and Kurt Wimmer who also wrote the screenplay (“Salt,” “Law Abiding Citizen,” upcoming “Total Recall”). RGM Media principal Devesh Chetty and investor John McMurrick, Chairman ofMarloss Entertainment, will serve as Executive Producers. The film is being fast tracked, with the filmmakers set to take theproject out to directors soon.
The new version is set in the world of international extreme sports,and like the original involves an undercover FBI agent infiltrating a criminalring, but plot points beyond that have not been revealed by the filmmakers.
Noooo!!! *drops to knees, fires entire clip at the sky* When you mess with Point Break, you mess with all of us. I know, I know, you think it will be good, that deep down we all want this. But we know exactly how you’re going to go about it. We know that you’re going to tab Channing Tatum and Taylor Lautner to star, and we know that it will suck. We know that you’re all dead on the inside, desperate shells of human beings, but we can’t let you ruin this. So just stop, or we’ll revolt and you won’t have any more money to buy cocaine with. So there.
Via Con Dios,
People who care about movies
*I fully realize that this will have no effect and that people will pay good money to see the new Point Break. God, I am sad*